A letter to my brain

A letter to my brain

My very lovely friend Soph (who also created my beautiful blog header) tagged me to write a letter to my brain, so I thought I’d give it a go.


Dear brain,

In April 2018, you became unwell. There were signs. You were telling me you weren’t quite right, but I ignored them. I kept pushing forward, waiting for the day I would wake up and you would be fine again. I should have known better. As a consequence, you broke down. You became clouded with a poison which caused you to believe strange things. It was a weird time, really, wasn’t it?

Your thought processes took their toll on me, regularly reducing me to tears. I mean, that whole “you’re boring and nobody cares about you” situation was not fun. Let’s not forget when you convinced me I was taking up too much space, setting the heart racing and leaving the lungs short of breath. Yet, I see now that there was a greater force at play.

If I’m being honest, you were probably slightly ill for a long time. I didn’t realise that what you were thinking wasn’t normal. It had been that way for a long time, and I didn’t know any different. That is, of course, until those thoughts were so overbearing that I knew something was wrong.

It’s okay, it’s not your fault.

Since you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I have gained a deeper understanding of you. Things I thought were part of my personality were actually symptoms. Not all of them, of course. We can’t let them take the fall for some of our flaws, but we can work on those when we are better. Some of your negative thoughts were caused by words of others, but I let them stay there. They took up space inside of you when I should have kicked them out.

I have had to take medication. Luckily, I experienced very few side effects and you showed immediate signs of improvement. You felt lighter in my head, instead of a ton of bricks, weighing me down every day. Thanks for letting them do their stuff and not kicking up a fuss.

I also started talking more; opening up about your condition, and seeking professional help in the form of a counsellor. I feel I must apologise – I hadn’t realised how much damage I was doing to you by forcing you to take the load. You were bursting at the seams with thoughts I’d kept inside. It’s no wonder it became too much.

The past couple of months, we have started taking steps in the right direction. I promise we are going to make you better. You are going to be stronger than you’ve ever been. I believe you are one of my greatest assets. You have helped me pass exams, you help me write these words that others seem to love, and, on the most basic level, you enable me to do day to day tasks. I let you down, but I’m going to fix it.

We’re going to get rid of these illnesses. No matter what it takes, we are going to make you happier and healthier than you’ve been in our 27 years together.

Love,
The boss.

Letter to my brain

31 Comments

  1. 2nd July 2018 / 11:29 am

    I love it Ruth! Such a moving post! I love how you have taken your own direction with the post. Well done for taking the first steps, they really are the hardest. I just know you are going to be amazing. So glad we have connected! 💗💗

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 12:19 pm

      Thank you so much, Sophie! And thank you for tagging me to do it, I really enjoyed it 🙂

  2. 2nd July 2018 / 11:38 am

    Beautifully written post and lovely to hear that you got help to make yourself better. Very inspiring. I love the determination in the last paragraph. I hope you continue to feel better. xx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 12:19 pm

      Thank you very much 🙂 x

  3. 2nd July 2018 / 12:34 pm

    Absolutely beautiful post, very honest and raw but I feel like the positivity really shines through. So proud of you and all the steps you have taken for yourself!

  4. 2nd July 2018 / 1:39 pm

    You wrote that perfectly Ruth! I’m so happy you received the help you needed ❤️❤️ And I’m extremely glad you have opened up as a person enough to talk about your depression and anxiety. It’s hard, it’s very hard but you are so strong. For something as sad and heartbreaking as depression and anxiety your positive outlook still shines! I hope you keep having great days!!

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 9:13 pm

      Thank you so much, Janita! You really do have a heart of gold, and it’s a pleasure to be able to connect with you. 🙂

  5. Emily Muir
    2nd July 2018 / 8:07 pm

    I love your apology to your brain – something I often forget to do when I overload my own with thoughts, and expect it just to carry on. This is such a beautiful post. 🌸

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 9:15 pm

      Thank you, lovely! I think we all forget to give our brains a break sometimes. I’m glad you liked it – it was a good one to write.

  6. 2nd July 2018 / 8:17 pm

    Beautiful words ruth. Xx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 9:16 pm

      Thank you, Sarah! x

  7. 2nd July 2018 / 9:04 pm

    This is such a beautiful, well written and heartfelt letter Ruth. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so glad you are taking steps in the right direction to feel better. You are such a kind and sweet individual, you deserve all the happiness 💖 xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 9:16 pm

      You are so kind, Bexa. Thank you very much 🙂 x

  8. 2nd July 2018 / 9:24 pm

    This is so moving and so inspiring, Ruth. Thank you for continuing to let us in and being open and real, yet still somehow shining so much light into the life of everyone you come in contact with. You truly are a rockstar.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 11:31 pm

      Girl, I love you! Thank you for such a beautiful comment. You fill my heart with so much joy.

  9. 2nd July 2018 / 9:28 pm

    What a beautiful post Ruth, and a great concept as well! Writing a letter to yourself is such an awsome way to connect with yourself and your thoughts. I give you infinite high fives for being brave enough to seek help to better yourself, because not everyone has the courage to do that. We all have dips in our self love and mental health from time to time, but what really matters is how we take those dark times and make them positives for ourselves. You showed in this post you know how to do that. Thank you for sharing – inspiring!

    Cheers,
    Lexi Kathleen | https://sailinginthesun.ca

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      2nd July 2018 / 11:31 pm

      Thank you very much, Lexi! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it. 🙂

  10. 3rd July 2018 / 12:53 am

    Ruth this was beautiful! A clever way to express your thoughts about depression to us and I feel so inspired by your bravery. Thanks for being so raw and honest, you are certainly headed in the right direction <3

    Natonya | http://www.justnatonya.wordpress.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      3rd July 2018 / 9:36 am

      Thank you so much 🙂

  11. 3rd July 2018 / 12:03 pm

    Thank you for being so brave and honest with us Ruth. You’re writing is wonderful and you’ve perfectly summed up what goes on in our brains. From one depression sufferer to another, thank you from the bottom of my heart for explaining a bit more about this awful illness!

    Lots of love,
    Molly xo
    http://gracetoglowandgo.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      3rd July 2018 / 1:55 pm

      Awww, thank you for this, Molly! 🙂

  12. 4th July 2018 / 4:36 am

    Wow! Love this, great idea! As someone who has battled anxiety and depression too, I am glad to see more and more people reaching out and talking about it. We can overcome this! Great job! 🙂

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      4th July 2018 / 9:27 am

      We definitely can! 🙂 Thank you very much.

  13. 6th July 2018 / 10:17 am

    Great post … it must so take the pressure off to realise it’s not just you … other ideas and thoughts, indeed other’s ideas and thoughts, have gotten into that troubled head of yours, and they can just as surelybe addressed, talked to and if necessary, treated. A lovely post, expressing so much in a beautifully poetic way. I like the way you are being so nice you yourself, so positive, and not at all “victimy” Thanks for sharing. #BlogCrush

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      6th July 2018 / 10:21 am

      Exactly – I do take comfort in knowing where some of this has stemmed from and the fact I can now start to do something about it. Thank you very much for such a kind and encouraging comment.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      7th July 2018 / 12:13 pm

      Thank you very much x

  14. 9th July 2018 / 7:41 pm

    Ruth ! This is an excellent piece. I suffered from anxiety and depression and ignored the signs for a long time – i believed all the negative messages i was receiving and became paralysed by the fear and negativity. These days i am in a very different place – but i am kinder to myself and my brain – more realistic in my expectations of it and better at recognising the signs before its too late xxx #blogcrush

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      9th July 2018 / 7:53 pm

      Thank you! I’m delighted to hear you’re in a better place – it gives me hope for my future, too. 🙂

  15. Wendy
    12th July 2018 / 8:41 pm

    Oh Ruth, this post is everything I want to say to my brain too. So honest and raw and I’m so glad you and your brain are starting to feel better. I too thought the things I thought were just part of how I am but now I know that for years I was struggling with anxiety and just didn’t know what it was xx #BlogCrush

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th July 2018 / 9:19 pm

      I’m sorry to hear you’ve struggled with these things, but I’m glad you’ve been able to identify it stems from anxiety, because it means you can tackle it! 🙂

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