Mental Health Update

Mental Health Update

I thought I’d do a mental health update as it’s been a while since I’ve written about what’s been going on with me and where I’m at.

A few weeks ago, I felt like my mental health was having a major wobble. I had become irritable, upset and disconnected. My anxiety was right back up to where it had been before I started my treatment. In turn, this was making me panic more that all my progress had come undone.

There was an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Once again, there was a battle of irrational and rational thoughts going on inside my head. I couldn’t see the point in anything, but I didn’t want to give up. I had a voice telling me to get rid of my blog, and another reminding me how hard I’d worked over the past few months.

It was exhausting. My energy levels were low. I was either sleeping in until 11am, or getting up earlier, only to crawl into bed and fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon.

Truthfully, I think the issue here stemmed from the fact I hadn’t been investing time in myself. Trying to make my blog a success takes a lot of my time, and I feel like I have to constantly be doing something or people will think less of me. I need to remember that, in all jobs, they take breaks and have days off.

Medication

I’m still on 50mg of Sertraline, and it’s still doing the job. I did consider requesting an increase when I was having the aforementioned bad spell, but I’m glad now that I didn’t.

My medication caused a bit of stress before my family visited because I couldn’t get an appointment with the doctor so I didn’t think I was going to get another prescription. Thankfully, I was able to request a repeat over the phone and everything worked out!

Note to self: make appointments further in advance.

I was hoping to come off Sertraline before Christmas, but it’s likely I will continue with this course of medication throughout the colder months, if it’s permitted by my doctor. I am a big fan of autumn and winter, but the dark, short days sometimes make me very down. With this in mind, I don’t think it would be wise to come off medication during this time.

Counselling

Counselling is going well. Before my appointments, I do tend to get worked up, but love it when I’m there.

I had a three week break, as my counsellor was getting married and I was seeing my family. During this time, I noticed I was using some of the things we had discussed before to help me handle various situations. I also noticed I was leaning a bit more on the people in my life, and talking openly to Neal on days I was finding very difficult.

Although there were definitely times during the break I wished I had an appointment to talk about things, I handled it much better than I imagined. So, that suggests to me that I’ll be okay when my sessions end. I hadn’t necessarily had chance to realise that because I wasn’t getting as many opportunities to see it in practice. I was concerned I was using my counselling as a crutch and would fall flat on my face without it.

At my most recent appointment, we took some time to reflect on how far I’ve come. I realised I’d made a lot more progress than I’d given myself credit for. My counsellor explained I seemed like a different person to the one who had turned up at my first appointment, and told me she was proud of me. It was emotional.

I’m not sure how much longer my counselling will continue, as we have yet to discuss it.

If you want to know more about my journey up to this point, take a look at my introduction to counselling and the previous counselling update.

Blogging

Blogging has done wonders for my mental health. It’s given me somewhere to channel my energy when I’ve needed a distraction. I’ve been able to talk to so many wonderful people, and know I can turn to them when the going gets tough. Having goals to achieve has given me reasons to push myself.

Over the last week, I’ve realised just how much I love blogging, and how it’s a perfect fit for me. As a result, I’ve felt more motivated and determined than ever to make it a success. But, I’m staying mindful of myself and my own wellbeing, regularly taking some time out to relax.

I also met up with another blogger – Menna – which was wonderful. To be 100% transparent, this caused me a great deal of anxiety because I’m not good with meeting new people, but it was worth it. It was a victory because I forced myself to do it, despite how far out of my comfort zone it felt. Plus, she was a joy to be around!

Life

Seeing my family helped a lot. Although it was a hectic week, it was nice having them around. Making memories with them in Aberdeen made it feel more like home. It’s difficult to explain but, since moving here, it’s often felt like I’m on holiday, just waiting to go back home. I couldn’t feel settled, because it didn’t feel like I’d fully arrived.

I love my life with Neal, and our little home. We have made some great memories together since I moved here, but it still seemed like most of my life was somewhere else. Having the two worlds come together closed the gap and put me in a much more positive frame of mind.

Finally, two of my best friends came to see me. I was so touched they’d travelled for six hours, just for a catch up. We spent the afternoon chatting, then went out for a meal and some drinks in the evening. I laughed a lot and felt overwhelmingly content. It was nice to do something which felt “normal” for someone my age; as though, for once, I was doing what I should be, rather than being ruled by anxiety.

Going forward

These things happened over the course of two weeks, and since then, I’ve been in a really good place. I’ve felt much more comfortable in Aberdeen because everyone doesn’t seem as far away. They’ve been here, and there’s snippets of memories around me now. It’s comforting.

My mind doesn’t seem as messy as it has. I realise people care about me, and enjoy talking to me, so I feel more inclined to reach out. There’s been a slight increase in my confidence. No miracles, but positive steps.

I feel much more like myself. My flat is clean and tidy. The dishes get done rather than piling up. I spend less time inside my own head, wallowing in self-pity, and a lot more time thinking of others. Neal is currently doing a training course and has to get up at 5am, so I’ve been getting up at the same time to make him a coffee before he heads out. It’s something so simple, but being able to do that for him makes me feel good. He has spent so many months taking care of me and finally getting to a place where I can do little things in return matters a lot.

I have a welcomed sense of clarity, which has always been lacking in my life. I know blogging is something I’m passionate about, and dedicated to. There’s something inside me, telling me I can make things happen with this. I’m excited to see what happens and where it goes.

All of these positive signs simply encourage me to keep working on myself.

Mental Health Update

51 Comments

  1. 12th September 2018 / 12:15 pm

    This is such a lovely update to read! I’m so glad you feel your meds and counselling are helping you to the point where you feel you’ll be OK when their times to end come around, that’s such positive progress. I love how honest you always are too. Please do take time out for you though, none of us wants to see you burn out. I’m the worst one to say this as I never do either, but a little bit of selfishness (or self-care if you prefer) is sometimes necessary. Good luck with the early starts, that’s so sweet of you to get up and look after Neal, I’m sure he appreciates it! xx

    Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th September 2018 / 1:59 pm

      Awww, thank you so much, Lisa! I’ve actually added self-care into my blogging schedule now so I don’t forget to take time away! 🙂 xx

    • 19th September 2018 / 3:57 pm

      Ruth you are an inspiration. I discovered you through twitter and it’s inexorably hard trying to build a blog. Your writing is clear and concise and I hope to get back to my own healthy place soon. Keep on going girl. You’re doing great x

      • ruthinrevolt
        Author
        19th September 2018 / 3:58 pm

        Awww, thank you so much, Zoe!! This is wonderful. I hope you’re back to a healthy place soon, too. 💜

  2. 12th September 2018 / 1:00 pm

    Loved reading this update and feeling all caught up with your life lovely! I’m so pleased that things are better at the moment and that you feel comfortable to reach out if you need to. It all sounds really insightful, reflective and you sound so self-aware which is amazing! Well done for recognising that you need you time as well, it makes such a difference! xx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th September 2018 / 2:00 pm

      Awww, thank you so much, angel! 🙂 xx

  3. 12th September 2018 / 1:09 pm

    Aw I got a mention 🙂 I’m glad it was worth it. It was wonderful to meet you x
    I’m glad to hear everything is going well for you. Keep at it and you’ll beat this! We all will. As always you know where I am if you need an ear <3
    Wonderfully written and insightful as ever thank you for once again putting a bit more sunshine in my day 🙂
    Menna xx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th September 2018 / 2:01 pm

      Of course you got a mention! It was a big deal (both in terms of nerves and excitement! :D) Thank you! xx

  4. 12th September 2018 / 1:15 pm

    It’s encouraging to know your meds and therapy are working and you feel forward motion. I know I prescribe Sertraline frequently, definitely a favorite. Your post encourages me as we are back to a dark place with my son. I posted about it yesterday as I seriously struggle with this. It’s just been a hard week. Thanks for giving me some hope.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th September 2018 / 2:05 pm

      I’m really sorry to hear that but I’m glad I could give you some hope. Thinking of you!

  5. 12th September 2018 / 1:34 pm

    Aww yay! This is such a lovely post to read! I’m so glad you are feeling positive Ruth, that’s wonderful to hear, you deserve to be happy. That’s super sweet your best friends drove six hours to visit you and so nice you have been making memories with your family in Aberdeen. I love that you met Menna as well, I’ve never met any bloggers in real life but I imagine I would feel so nervous too, well done you and glad you both had a great time. It’s awesome you are so passionate and dedicated to blogging, I always read your posts & tweets whenever I’m looking for inspiration so thank you! Keep up the great work lovely! <3 xx

    Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      12th September 2018 / 2:07 pm

      Aww, Bexa, you are so wonderful! I would love to meet you eventually, maybe if we’re ever at the same blogging event or in the general same area? It’s funny, because I always read your tweets when I need a boost! 😂 Thank for always being so supportive. 💖 xx

  6. 12th September 2018 / 2:21 pm

    Hi Ruth, I just wanted to let you know how incredible you are for sharing this about yourself. As much as I can relate, I still struggle with perceived notions of how my life should be. But I’m working on it. 🙂 Again, thanks for sharing and I wish you continued success.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:54 pm

      I definitely get tripped up by that now and again – you’re not alone. 💛 Thank you so much!

  7. 12th September 2018 / 5:06 pm

    This is such a lovely open and honest update. I am glad that you are in a positive place at the moment.

    You’re passion for blogging certainly comes through in your posts and tweets etc and I’m sure you’ve spread some positive blogging vibes out there 💕

    Louise | sociableeventsaberdeen.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:55 pm

      Aww, thank you, Louise! 😀

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:55 pm

      Thank you, Liv!

  8. 12th September 2018 / 7:48 pm

    This was a really nice post to read. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in these past few months, and you can tell you’ve definitely put in the work to get there. It sounds like you’re on a treatment path that really works for you which must make all the difference! I’m glad blogging is one of the things you’ve found that helps you, because you’re really good at it–including the sides that people outside of the blogging community might not necessarily know about, like marketing. You’re also great at uniting the blogging community, and have, I’m sure, helped a lot of others who have found themselves in a similar situation to yourself.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:56 pm

      Awww, Rebekah, this is such an absolutely wonderful comment – thank you! It’s been a pleasure to have you supporting me along the way and supporting you in return!

  9. 12th September 2018 / 8:09 pm

    That’s amazing that you’re making progress, and that you can recognise and appreciate it! Sometimes when you’re in the moment, it’s hard to realise that actually, you have come a long way over the last few months. We all have wobbles sometimes, though, unfortunately. But I’m glad it has passed for you, and you’re feeling positive and taking ahold of your anxiety and not letting it rule you! 💗 You’re doing amazing, Ruth!

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:57 pm

      Yep, I think there will always be wobbles here and there. Thank you so much for your kind comment, Beka – I really appreciate it!

  10. 12th September 2018 / 10:29 pm

    I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time but I’m glad you’re starting to feel more like yourself, you’re pretty damn amazing.

    I’m glad you’re making progress with the counselling that’s great news!!! Keep going you’re very strong!

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:58 pm

      Awww, you’re an angel, Hannah! Thank you!

  11. 13th September 2018 / 7:32 am

    Ruth – what a wonderful blog to read! Sounds like you’re doing brilliantly! xxxx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      13th September 2018 / 5:58 pm

      Thank you, Anna!

  12. 13th September 2018 / 7:20 pm

    Thank you for telling your story and speaking up about the benefits of medication. I am new to blogging, but started it to help with my postpartum anxiety. Currently I am working on a post about it, and it scares me a little that soon I will be so open about it. However, I know that in order to end the stigma about caring for mental health, more people need to be transparent about it. Wishing you continued success on your mental health journey!

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      14th September 2018 / 9:29 am

      Thank you very much! It can be scary and uncomfortable to open up about your struggles, but I’m sure you will help someone by doing so. 💛

  13. 13th September 2018 / 8:44 pm

    Absolutely loving the new layout hun. An amazing post. You are so strong and have come so far and can’t wait to see the next step forward in your journey.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      14th September 2018 / 9:29 am

      Aww, thank you, Jay!

  14. 13th September 2018 / 9:56 pm

    I am so proud of you Ruth, you’ve done amazingly well given the trials thrown your way, and! Super chuffed you pushed yourself to meet the gorgeous Menna!!
    I’ll always be here too, whenever you need me. The weather is definitely a player on my emotions too… but we’ll totally work together into making these thoughts happier despite the bitter dullness the clouds showcase above!
    You’re smashing it! x

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      14th September 2018 / 9:30 am

      Youuuuuuu! 😍 Thank you so much, Zara – not just for the comment, but for everything else. I’m sure we can both drag each other through the colder seasons.

  15. Sheila Anderson
    13th September 2018 / 10:07 pm

    Hi Ruth,
    Glad that everything is becoming clearer for you. All I can say is how very very proud of you. I have really been inspired by how you’re writing is encouraging others who access your blog. Keep up the great work and may you know how much you are loved and cherished.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      14th September 2018 / 9:32 am

      Thank you, mum!

  16. 14th September 2018 / 5:10 am

    You are always looking out for new bloggers in social media… Take more time to take care of yourself also. 😊😊 You are inspiring a lot of people. You are doing great. Feel good about it and treat yourself every now and then. A lot of people would hate to see you beaten up by depression and anxiety.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      14th September 2018 / 9:32 am

      Aww, this is so sweet. Thank you – I really appreciate your kind words!

  17. 14th September 2018 / 10:10 am

    Well done you – you’re doing so well, managing a blog, helping others and making sure that you’re well too! It’s so inspiring and I am loving all your tweets and features online, it’s just fab! 🙂

    Loving your blog – I love all the colours you use too and did see you say that this helped you through a darker time, for me – I’m all about spreading the happiness so thank you for your kind words about my blog too. If someone can come online and feel happier and more positive – that’s what matters!

    We should be there to help and support one another and I feel like so many people can benefit from reading your blog, your posts as they can connect to you!

    Hope you’re well lovely and can’t wait to see more! 🙂

    Layla x

    https://www.sprinklesofstyle.co.uk

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      15th September 2018 / 12:39 pm

      Awww, thank you so much! This is such a kind comment! It’s wonderful to have connected with you, and I can’t wait to continue supporting you in the future. 💛

  18. 14th September 2018 / 11:13 pm

    You are a bright shooting star! How far you’ve come. Everything you have gotten through. All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t. All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but you got through. Never forget how much strength you have learned and developed along the way. You are an incredibly gifted individual with more life and opportunity flowing through your veins than you can ever possibly imagine. Just don’t forget to take a moment to look back on all that you’ve overcome to date, because after all, it’s what led you to where you stand today. Steadfast and capable of taking on whatever lies ahead.

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      15th September 2018 / 12:38 pm

      Oh my goodness, Leah!!! This comment is so beautiful. I can’t thank you enough 😭 You are such a special and wonderful person – it’s a pleasure to know you.

  19. 15th September 2018 / 9:22 am

    Well done lady! So happy to hear that you’ve noticed your progress and pushed through the tricky patches x

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      15th September 2018 / 12:37 pm

      Thank you, lovely! x

  20. 15th September 2018 / 12:42 pm

    Sounds like you’re doing brilliantly Ruth, it’s really helpful to read about other people’s mental health journeys. It’s not always going to be positive steps forward but this post has shown that the effort you’re putting into helping yourself is actually helping! Great post lovely x
    Alys
    https://alysjournals.com

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      15th September 2018 / 12:43 pm

      Awwww, thank you so much, Alys! Your comments always brighten my day. 💛

  21. 16th September 2018 / 5:16 pm

    Something I constantly try and tell myself in all my struggles is that healing is not linear. You don’t start at the bottom and climb to the top in a straight line! You’ll feel like you’re at the absolute top some days and then you’ll come back down and feel like you’re lower than low on others but the important thing to remember is that it’s always going to be okay. Proud of you for putting this out there, Ruth!
    Alice Xx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      16th September 2018 / 6:22 pm

      It’s so true! I think as long as I’m having more good days than bad, I’m heading in the right direction. Thank you so much, Alice. 😊

  22. 16th September 2018 / 6:53 pm

    This is such a honest and open update, your courage shines through. Like you I also suffer with anxiety so reading about your experiences I can see traits I have also! I also sometimes feel I have undone great work when I have a bad time, but choosing you aren’t going to let it win, means you are already winning! Take time out for yourself is a must! Your blog is amazing and you should be so proud! ❤️xxx

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      16th September 2018 / 9:28 pm

      Awwww thank you so much 💜xx

  23. 16th September 2018 / 8:53 pm

    Good for you and thank you for being for being so honest with your life. These are the things that help others and you are sharing a positive message to all whether we suffer from anxiety or not. The things you write about are feelings we can all relate to. I get down on myself and want to give up on blogging and then I get a text or a message from somebody and I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. We all need reassurances. You should be so proud. I also believe that writing about it and sharing shows your healthiness!

    • ruthinrevolt
      Author
      16th September 2018 / 9:29 pm

      Awww thank you very much! Those messages (and comments like yours) definitely make all the difference in blogging 😊

  24. 18th September 2018 / 10:56 pm

    It’s great to hear or read about how life has been going in this update, and that things seem to be getting easier for you in many ways. Glad that you feel inspired and open to see where blogging takes you- because you never know-, and have recognized how it’s helped. Look forward to reading more.

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