The pressures of the New Year are something I’ve felt quite intensely this year. I don’t tend to make resolutions, January 1st is just another day but in a new year, and I’m happy to plod on as normal. So, why is this year different?
This is the first New Year when I’ve been a blogger.
I’ve been trying to figure out the direction I want to go, and what I’d like to achieve in 2019. I haven’t really gotten anywhere with this as of yet. I can’t seem to get my head straight for long enough to figure it out.
In the past couple of days, I’ve identified why this is. There are actually two reasons.
Number one is that I achieved far more in 2018 than I planned for. It’s left me a bit stumped about what I want to do this year. That’s a wonderful thing to be able to say, though!
The second reason is not so great and that’s that, despite surprising myself in 2018, I’m still lacking in the self belief department. If a goal pops into my head, I’ll immediately respond with a reason why I should scrap it.
So, the first thing I need to tackle is getting out of my own way, which I knew long before we were counting down to 2019.
Everyone is talking goals (which I love, for the record).
My social media feeds are full of it. My inbox has exploded with things along the lines of “how I’m making 2019 my best year yet!” Even though I love seeing the ambition and drive in everyone, it’s a new experience. I haven’t necessarily found myself in a situation quite like it before. I’ve had light-hearted discussions about resolutions with family and friends, but that’s about it.
In the week between Christmas and New Year, I lost count of how many times I was asked about my goals. It’s a natural conversation to occur at that time of year, but I found myself panicking about the fact I hadn’t made any.
I thought reading everyone’s goals would get me fired up, and help me to discover my own. It seemed to have the opposite effect. I froze up, and thought “I really don’t have a clue.” This caused a bit of a wobble, and a panic about my lack of ambition, even though that’s not entirely true.
Now that it’s all a little less intense, I’ve had the welcome realisation that my ambitions simply aren’t quite as straightforward to measure, which is perfectly alright.
I turned 28.
I’m still not used to saying that.
My birthday is right at the start of January. It got me thinking, once again, about approaching 30. It raised a lot of questions about where I’m at, and where I want to be. I read my previous post on the subject to try and reassure myself that things will happen as they’re supposed to – even if it’s not in the way I pictured it. It was comforting to a degree.
The combination of the New Year and my birthday means there’s a lot of reflection, and contemplating the future. Yet, no answers.
I realise a lot of the pressures come from within myself. That’s something I’ve always been guilty of. I pile it on, until I feel like my head is about to explode. I’ve made some progress with it, but if this New Year has shown me anything, it’s that I’m still doing it.
I guess I wanted to write this to say it’s okay if you haven’t got a long list of goals, or any sort of plan for 2019. Maybe your plan is to dive in and see what happens. That’s cool. Even if you’re a blogger. Maybe you need more time to figure it out, and come June, you’ll know how to ace the last half of the year.
Equally, if you’ve made goals, I hope you achieve them, but please don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t. If you’ve failed your New Year’s resolutions already by this point, it’s not a big deal. There are still over 300 days of the year, and you can make changes on any one of them.
This is a note to myself, and all of you, to say January 1st is just like any other day, and guess what? You can set goals any day of the year! Don’t let the pressures of the New Year overwhelm you.